Secret Burger Kitchen (Tacoma WA)

Date: April 21, 2025

Location: 8402 S Hosmer Street, Tacoma WA

Website: secretburgerkitchen.com

According to their website, “Secret Burger Kitchen is where the mystery of flavors and the thrill of discovery come together in every burger. Nestled in the heart of Tacoma, our ghost kitchen is your clandestine destination for the most tantalizing burgers you’ve ever tasted.” Wow! Secret? Mystery? Ghost? Clandestine? Tantalizing? Color me intrigued!

Once I found the joint (no easy feat), I ordered The Classic Single, a quarter pound smash burger with American cheese, lettuce, onions, and their signature SBK sauce, on a toasted bun.

1 Aesthetics — Undersized and unremarkable overall, but I was pleased to see the gooey melted cheese on a charred burger patty. 5.5

2 Flavor — A surprisingly tasty sandwich, considering the scarcity of vegetables. No tomato, no pickle, nothing much in the way of a garnish, just raw sliced onion and pale, shredded iceberg lettuce, neither of which brought much flavor to the party. But the peppery beef, salty cheese, and tangy sauce collaborated to create a fairly complex flavor profile. 6

3 Mouthfeel — Below average. The bite of this burger is firm and chewy, not juicy, and lacks the satisfying crunch that fresh vegetables would provide. 4 

4 Quality/Freshness — Average. 5.5

5 Integrity — Fair. A few renegade lettuce shards, but otherwise a sturdy burger build. 5.5

6 Atmosphere — Absent. The “secret” of this place is its bizarre location, hidden inside the sterile lobby of a Holiday Inn. Other than a small vinyl banner affixed to the hotel’s logo in the parking lot, I saw no signage anywhere identifying the burger business, but suspected I might be in the right place when I saw two large families lining up behind a single electronic ordering kiosk. I followed suit, then waited at an unadorned table nearby, in what I can only assume is the breakfast area for hotel guests. 3

7 Service — So strange! About 20 minutes after I punched my order into the aforementioned kiosk, a stern, silent lady (the only staff person visibly present) emerged from behind two swinging doors (the kitchen, perhaps?) to hand me a brown, unmarked bag. I wondered if she might be the cook, but she turned away and headed back behind the double doors before I could ask. 4

8 Satisfaction — I was somewhat satisfied with my snack, I suppose, but I still don’t get what all the “smash burger” fuss is about. This was only my second ever, and I’m not sure if either were representative of the genre. Are they just beef patties that have been smashed thin on a flattop grill? Making them more crispy and less juicy? If so, is that a good thing? 5

9 Creativity/Uniqueness — Nothing creative here. The location is certainly unique. The sandwich, not so much. 4

10 Value — $9 would be a good value if this were a full-sized burger dressed with all the customary ingredients. 6

Substandard burger, perfunctory service, cold ambience. Not recommended.

Total Score: 48.5