Fat Smitty’s (Port Townsend WA)
- slurpee
- Jun 1
- 2 min read
Date: May 30, 2025
Location: 282624 US-101, Port Townsend WA
Fat Smitty’s is a popular squat-n-gobble located at the junction of US-101 and US-20, the gateway to the Olympic Peninsula. I’ve been gastro-curious about this joint for years, but never ventured inside until today.
Feeling ambitious, I went for their signature menu item, The Fat Smitty’s Burger, a gargantuan sandwich comprising two 1/3 LB beef patties, bacon, cheese, onion, lettuce, tomato, pickles, and sauce, on a toasted sesame seed bun.
1 Aesthetics — Wow! What a big, beautiful, sloppy mess of a burger! 7.5
2 Flavor — Yummy! Juicy, smokey, savory. Perfect sear on the meat. 7.5
3 Mouthfeel — Too wet and squishy; not enough texture balance to the bite. 4.5
4 Quality/Freshness — Fairly fresh; average quality. 5.5
5 Integrity — Epic Fail! I couldn’t get my jaws around this towering, messy monstrosity to take a proper bite. I had to gnaw around the edges as it fell apart, turning to goo in my hands. 3.0
6 Atmosphere — You gotta admire the ingenuity of a roadside attraction that lures hungry travelers with its funky folk art facade and outdoor gallery of enormous, painted wooden sculptures, including a giant hamburger and chubby schlub of a figure that could only be Fat Smitty himself.
Inside, the tables are festooned with patriotic bunting, and thousands of dollar bills adorn the ceilings and walls. The bathrooms are clean, and there is plenty of seating indoors and out.
Wonderful, right? Unfortunately, the colorful decor doesn’t end there. Apparently the proprietors also feel the need to advertise their allegiance to a deeply divisive criminal politician. Ugh. Don’t they realize how distasteful and off-putting these campaign signs and banners are to so many of us? Don’t they know they risk alienating half their potential customer base? 5.0
7 Service — Average. Neither fast nor especially friendly. 5.5
8 Satisfaction — Very satisfying! My appetite was sated and I enjoyed the experience immensely. 8.0
9 Creativity/Uniqueness — Plaudits for volume. 7.5
10 Value — $15 (cash only) is expensive, but this enormous burger was two meals in one — a good value. 7.0
An interesting experience overall. Recommended for folks who possess both a big appetite and a high tolerance for right wing foolishness.
Total Score: 61.0
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